he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
