Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
