We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
