just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
