someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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