Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
