Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
