the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
