At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
