We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
