Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
