I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
