Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
