I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
