ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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