Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
