I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
