How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
