we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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