I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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