You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
