the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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