you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
