Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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