I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
