I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
