last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
