like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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