And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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