That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
