I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
