I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
