Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
