her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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