I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
