I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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