wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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