dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Randomize
