No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
