The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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