I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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