fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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