I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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