i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you had me at cake vodka
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
