i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
