whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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