i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
