just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
