Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
