I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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