I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
